Four weeks to go...chickens are molting & J has been working on his sympathy belly.
Monday, September 28, 2015
The Biggest Gainer
Four weeks to go...chickens are molting & J has been working on his sympathy belly.
In which Adam Delved is questioned by the authorities
On my way back to Soggy Bottom, I stopped in Toronto to attend a conference that happened to be taking place, in hopes of lining up some job prospects. Uncle F and aunt B generously allowed me to stay in their house in Burlington, although they would not be home. I, being somewhat inpecunious due to an unfortunate hiccup in cash flow, as well as being Dutch cheap of a naturally thrifty disposition, accepted the offer.
I took the train from Toronto, which trundled gently along a landscape of factories and housing developments before finally depositing me at the station in Burlington. A short cab ride brought me to F&B's house. I got the key from the neighbor, dropped my bags inside, and went out to stroll to the local strip mall for some sustenance. Along the way, I took a snapshot of the picture-perfect neighborhood:
It's election season in Canada, and I saw a yard sign promoting a candidate with an extremely long name. I thought it was funny that they had to make a special, extra-long yard sign for this candidate, so I took a picture of that, too. Sorry for the poor resolution on this one. (Note: I saw only Conservative yard signs on my walk).
A half-hour later, I was walking back from dinner at the strip mall, when a policeman in a black SUV pulled up next to me and asked me to stop. He took my ID, and spoke into his radio that he had found someone "matching the description". Then some questions. Was I eating in that restaurant, over by the window? Where did I live? Where was I staying? What did I do for a living? Did I once live in Ontario? Did I have a phone? Could he see the pictures on my phone? Well, no, but yes, here you are, officer, as you can see, nothing of any concern here. In the meantime, I saw a second police SUV cruising the parking lot where we stood.
At length the officer gave me back my phone and my ID and said, "the reason I stopped you is that somebody saw you taking pictures with your phone and was concerned you were taking pictures of children in that neighborhood. And, out of an excess of caution, they notified the police."
I decided it wasn't the time to expatiate on why members of the Upright Citizens Brigade needed to call in the cops and waste everyone's time every time they see a shadow, so I just walked home. But here's the thing: this all happened more than a half hour after I took the picture. So were the police in full alert for that whole time, scouring the streets for a vagrant photographer? Or did the Upright Citizen see me sitting at the restaurant window and call in the police? And given that there were no children (or indeed, anyone) on the street, why did anyone care?
Uncle F reports that he's seen a lot more police cruisers than usual in his neighborhood - maybe it's all because of me? In any case he also told me that the
police there is famous for having nothing to do.
Anyway, I leave you with this message for the election: be afraid. Be very afraid.
- Adam Delved, vagrant photographer
I took the train from Toronto, which trundled gently along a landscape of factories and housing developments before finally depositing me at the station in Burlington. A short cab ride brought me to F&B's house. I got the key from the neighbor, dropped my bags inside, and went out to stroll to the local strip mall for some sustenance. Along the way, I took a snapshot of the picture-perfect neighborhood:
It's election season in Canada, and I saw a yard sign promoting a candidate with an extremely long name. I thought it was funny that they had to make a special, extra-long yard sign for this candidate, so I took a picture of that, too. Sorry for the poor resolution on this one. (Note: I saw only Conservative yard signs on my walk).
A half-hour later, I was walking back from dinner at the strip mall, when a policeman in a black SUV pulled up next to me and asked me to stop. He took my ID, and spoke into his radio that he had found someone "matching the description". Then some questions. Was I eating in that restaurant, over by the window? Where did I live? Where was I staying? What did I do for a living? Did I once live in Ontario? Did I have a phone? Could he see the pictures on my phone? Well, no, but yes, here you are, officer, as you can see, nothing of any concern here. In the meantime, I saw a second police SUV cruising the parking lot where we stood.
At length the officer gave me back my phone and my ID and said, "the reason I stopped you is that somebody saw you taking pictures with your phone and was concerned you were taking pictures of children in that neighborhood. And, out of an excess of caution, they notified the police."
I decided it wasn't the time to expatiate on why members of the Upright Citizens Brigade needed to call in the cops and waste everyone's time every time they see a shadow, so I just walked home. But here's the thing: this all happened more than a half hour after I took the picture. So were the police in full alert for that whole time, scouring the streets for a vagrant photographer? Or did the Upright Citizen see me sitting at the restaurant window and call in the police? And given that there were no children (or indeed, anyone) on the street, why did anyone care?
Uncle F reports that he's seen a lot more police cruisers than usual in his neighborhood - maybe it's all because of me? In any case he also told me that the
police there is famous for having nothing to do.
Anyway, I leave you with this message for the election: be afraid. Be very afraid.
- Adam Delved, vagrant photographer
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
In which Adam Delved escapes through a window, again
A while back, I may have regaled you with the tale of my daring escape from a bathroom into the Canadian winter, without shoes. That particular event had ultimately been caused by the curious geometry of our apartment, and immediately precipitated by an oven door popping open by just a few millimeters. I am now happy to report that my daring exploits continue.
The handle on our bathroom door had been slowly falling apart for a week or two, and I'd made a mental note to fix it at some point. That point had not yet arrived when I went in to take a shower one hot day. I pulled the door shut behind me. The door latched, and I found that the inside handle would not turn the tongue. I was trapped.
L was at work and would not be back for several hours. And a further problem: I had just come in from weeding the garden. I was sweaty, dirty, and I stank. And so I'd stripped off my clothes before going into the bathroom. I was stark naked.
As Bertrand Russell would say, this left me in a logical cleft stick from which there was only one recourse. A recourse I had practiced once before, in a different place and at a different season. It was out the window for me.
It seems like most windows have some mechanism for removing a sash without tools. In this case, I found I could pivot the sash in and then lift it out at an angle. My pathway to escape was clear.
I spent some time considering whether or not I should take a towel with me. Ultimately I decided not to. I couldn't wear the towel on my way out; it would just get in the way of the maneuvers I had to do. And if I pushed out the towel so I could pick it up once I'd exited, it would just get dirty. And besides, the neighbours would still have seen a naked man climb out of a window. The neighbour's house was a hundred yards away, the door to get back in was close by, and I didn't think anyone would look out at just that instant.
It was time to turn plans into action. Get up onto the toilet. One leg over the window sash, and then - very carefully, watch out for splinters! - the other. Mild shock at summer breezes encountering parts of me which had never previously encountered summer breezes. Hop off the ledge onto the crawlspace cover. Very very fast scuttle to the back door, and back inside.
Victory was mine. I took my long-awaited shower - and then I got a screwdriver and took out that bathroom door handle!
The handle on our bathroom door had been slowly falling apart for a week or two, and I'd made a mental note to fix it at some point. That point had not yet arrived when I went in to take a shower one hot day. I pulled the door shut behind me. The door latched, and I found that the inside handle would not turn the tongue. I was trapped.
L was at work and would not be back for several hours. And a further problem: I had just come in from weeding the garden. I was sweaty, dirty, and I stank. And so I'd stripped off my clothes before going into the bathroom. I was stark naked.
As Bertrand Russell would say, this left me in a logical cleft stick from which there was only one recourse. A recourse I had practiced once before, in a different place and at a different season. It was out the window for me.
 |
| The road to freedom |
It seems like most windows have some mechanism for removing a sash without tools. In this case, I found I could pivot the sash in and then lift it out at an angle. My pathway to escape was clear.
I spent some time considering whether or not I should take a towel with me. Ultimately I decided not to. I couldn't wear the towel on my way out; it would just get in the way of the maneuvers I had to do. And if I pushed out the towel so I could pick it up once I'd exited, it would just get dirty. And besides, the neighbours would still have seen a naked man climb out of a window. The neighbour's house was a hundred yards away, the door to get back in was close by, and I didn't think anyone would look out at just that instant.
It was time to turn plans into action. Get up onto the toilet. One leg over the window sash, and then - very carefully, watch out for splinters! - the other. Mild shock at summer breezes encountering parts of me which had never previously encountered summer breezes. Hop off the ledge onto the crawlspace cover. Very very fast scuttle to the back door, and back inside.
Victory was mine. I took my long-awaited shower - and then I got a screwdriver and took out that bathroom door handle!
Saturday, September 5, 2015
We're back!
We're back from holidays! We took about ten days to go to Canada for a family reunion and had a great time picking berries and apples, eating, relaxing with extended family, eating, going to a museum, eating, having a mini-book launch, eating. Afterwards L went directly back home while I made detours to Toronto and Montreal.
And in other news, I am (once again) unemployed - I was let go in early August. I won't go into detail here, but there was quite a lot of politics and information control in my job. Which I'd known for a while, but then I thought, "my managers wouldn't be so bent on covering their own behinds that they would fire the talent, thus scuttling the company's future growth prospects, wouldn't they?" Turns out they would. In any case, for those wondering why I haven't written anything here for several months, the answer is that I was furiously trying to preserve my job.
And in reply to some questions we've gotten, yes, we have got health insurance. We've now had some first-hand experience on the Obamacare health exchange, and while the process of entering all the information was relatively long, it was also straightforward.
And in other news, I am (once again) unemployed - I was let go in early August. I won't go into detail here, but there was quite a lot of politics and information control in my job. Which I'd known for a while, but then I thought, "my managers wouldn't be so bent on covering their own behinds that they would fire the talent, thus scuttling the company's future growth prospects, wouldn't they?" Turns out they would. In any case, for those wondering why I haven't written anything here for several months, the answer is that I was furiously trying to preserve my job.
And in reply to some questions we've gotten, yes, we have got health insurance. We've now had some first-hand experience on the Obamacare health exchange, and while the process of entering all the information was relatively long, it was also straightforward.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)