Saturday, January 30, 2016

Goodbye, Soggy Bottom :(

So its been an interesting few months...and interesting year.  We've now been at Soggy Bottom for a bit more than a year and it looks increasingly likely that we will be leaving sometime in the near future (we've moved on from discussing "if" to "when" and "how")....

Anyhow, its been a great tutorial in America, and the culture thereof (that's pronounced 'Merica, as in the way George W. would say it).

I've been working on an analysis of traffic patterns in the area as reported in the local paper (perhaps more on that later) and opened up the paper to the below article this morning, which I think nicely encapsulates some of that beautiful culture in which we've been recently enmeshed:



 ... Interestingly, J primarily takes offense at the quality of the writing (as opposed to the content).  A sign we've been here too long?

Note from J: Yes. I take offense at the writing. It's a mass of unsupported assertions, thinly cloaked as a dialogue. Poor writing like this fosters poor thinking. I also take offense at the Cecil Whig for sacrificing column space to this...is there really nothing else happening here?

Counter from L:  Meh, it's an interesting piece of Americana for the historical record that future generations can refer to when they wonder what the hell happened in middle America in the early 2000's (you know, when Trump won the presidency).  I wouldn't have a problem with it being in the Cecil Whig if they also bothered to report on real news.

Edit added by L April 2017:  I've returned to gloat about calling the election in January 2016.  Ha ha?

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Vanity of vanities, all is vanity

As you might expect, this post is about installing a vanity. The previous owners really liked pedestal sinks, which are OK except that they are ugly. Also you can't store stuff in them and they make plumbing a pain. So we picked up a new-to-us bathroom vanity off Craigslist.

The vanity sat around for a while until the bathroom sink got a clog, and we decided, as long as we're unclogging the sink, we may as well take the whole darn thing out and replace it. Also, by "we" I mean "L", "J", and "J" respectively.  The result:

The hole in the linoleum has been reclassified as an "accent patch"

And it looks even nicer under the hood:
Things I learned: the curved piece of piping is called the "P-trap", not, as I thought, the "You-tube"

And best of all, it only took a day and I only had to make three visits to the hardware store.

Visit 1: (morning): Get snake to clean out drain (fits on power drill). Get materials.
Visit 2: Discover that pipe coming down from new sink is 1/2" too short. Get pipe extender.
Visit 3: (5 minutes before hardware store closing time): Discover that seal between P trap and piping downstream, which we did not change, no longer holds. Hardware store man explains that the pipe had the wrong elastomeric seal - we needed a slip ring, while they had some sort of square o-ring in there. So apparently our sink was being held together by years of accumulated crud.

It does look rather nice, and it's even nicer knowing that with this job done, I'll never have to do plumbing in this house ever again.

And in case you need a before (we ever moved in), during, and after:



Accent patch be gone!

No leaks!  But we still have a phone jack next to the toilet.




Sunday, October 4, 2015

In other news: Chestnuts! and what to do with them

Hurricane Joaquin brought us some chestnuts!



The weather here has been gray and miserable (as I suppose it is all along the east coast) and our house has been, well, a bit more needy than usual (as evidenced by its desperate attempts to lock us in bathrooms and other things we might tell you about someday).  So it was some consolation when we went out to check the garden last night and found the ground scattered with chestnuts, freshly burst from their spiny husks.

We took about fifteen minutes to pick up 4.5 lbs (we should  really find a small child somewhere to do these things for us, right?) and then about 45 minutes quadruple checking that we hadn't accidentally harvested something poisonous and finding recipes.



It turns out that we have a Chinese chestnut tree and that roasting chestnuts is hardly any work at all.

 The Recipe:

Take chestnut, make sure it came out of a spiky husk and that the tip is pointed and tasseled.

Cut a small X in the shell with a sharp knife

Put in a pan with some water sprinkled on it

Chuck in oven (400F, 30-40 minutes)

Poke chestnut with your finger until you can touch it without burning yourself

Finish peeling

Eat

We weighed a few of our chestnuts at various stages so that we'll know how many we need for recipes later on (there wasn't much weight difference between shelled and unshelled).
12 chestnuts = 100 g, or 200 kcal and 48% of your daily dietary requirement of vitamin C! (so saith Wikipedia)

100g of cooked chestnuts
We have some eggs piling up, despite the cold weather and a new bout of broodiness, so next up will probably be an attempt at chestnut pasta, where the ground chestnut is used to partially substitute for flour.  I didn't know that such a thing existed, but this (fresh chestnut pasta with Brussels sprouts)  looks delicious. It doesn't hurt that we have a freezer full of Brussels sprouts from our garden as well.

To be cont.?


The Chicken Chick

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Fall Fest! And lessons in retail

Two weeks ago, the Elkton Fall Fest took place. We learned about it a little late, but we managed to sign up for it anyway. Since I have, shall we say, an unexpectedly large amount of free time lately, I've been baking bread. We'd also both been toying around with the idea of selling stuff at farmer's markets. So when we heard about the Fall Fest, we thought we'd give it a go.

The Fall Fest involves closing down two streets (ie, all of downtown Elkton); there are vendors of various kinds, and food trucks. But to really draw the crowds, the city of Elkton brings in its ace in the hole: the pretty baby contest (0-6 months, 6-12 months, and 1-3 years old divisions, boys and girls). A panel of dignitaries solemnly determined first, second, and third place as an emcee directed parents onto the stage with their little ones. As a side note: a handgun tattoo on your thigh with cutoff shorts looks badass when you're 18, not so much a couple years later when you're trying to have your little munchkin take the ribbon at a beauty contest. (The munchkin in question won anyway).

(Note: I did not take any pictures of this event)

And in case there were any people so hard-hearted as not to be moved by a pretty baby contest, there were DockDogs! This did not involve eating sausages by the water. Instead, a swimming pool, with a dock of sorts, was set up in a parking lot. The contestant dogs had to jump in the pool, fetch a baton at the other end of the pool, and swim back to return it to their owner. Everyone involved really had fun, especially the dogs.

Did you know they made swimsuits for dogs?

Not surprisingly, the Labrador Retrievers all did well, with one getting a time of under 6 seconds. But the best part of the contest for me was watching a mutt jump in, swim halfway to the baton, get confused, eventually make his way to the baton, take the baton, only to deposit the baton at the side of the pool and joyfully swim around in circles until his master could finally persuade him to leave.

In all this commotion L and I had our humble table of bread and cork crafts. We'd stayed up late the night before baking. Ultimately, we had ciabatta, baguettes, whole-wheat boules, foccaccia, bagels, italian loaf, and as a last-minute addition by L, cookies. L also had made earrings, fishing lures, and floating keychains using her near-infinite supply of wine corks.

Buy our bread! We had to wrap the bread and add ingredient labels to be able to sell it.
Did you know that cork comes from the bark of the cork oak, native to Portugal? While it is best known for sealing wine bottles, cork can also be used an excellent thermal insulator. 



What a bust that was. Over some nine hours we made twenty-seven dollars in sales. Half of that was in cookies, which we hadn't even planned to make. Three or four people asked if we had anything gluten-free. (We did not - I've never found a gluten-free bread or cookie that was at all tolerable, so why make a terrible version of something that's good?). A few more people, clutching sodas, refused to eat the bread samples we'd laid out because they were on a low-carb diet. Some senior citizens came by, nosed the yellow ciabatta samples we'd laid out, and asked what kind of cheese we had. We did sell a few loaves and bagels here and there.

The booth next to us did quite well throughout the day. The woman running it sold natural cleaning products, soaps, and honey, in elegant packaging; the booth looked like a small shop. She was kind enough to give us some advice:

- Use shelves to display your product, as customers won't notice your goods as much lying flat on a table

- Never lower your price. It suggests that your merchandise is, well, cheap.

- Make signs to say what you're selling, with the pricing (we just had a table with bread on it)

She actually lent us a shelf, which L used to display cork items. We immediately noticed more people coming to the table to check it out. Granted, nobody bought any cork items - we saw a lot of people inspect the crafts and then get a look on their face that said "hey, I have wine corks at home too". But we at least went from zero interest to some interest.

We also raised our prices back up to where we had them at the beginning of the day. The few people who wanted to buy bread didn't seem put off by paying a premium for it, and the lower price we'd had for a few hours certainly didn't spark interest in bread in people who weren't interested to begin with.

So, we didn't make money, but we learned some lessons. For me, it was not so much learning a few retail "tricks" as coming to the understanding that buyers are looking for an experience as well as the product. We'd have done better to spend most of our effort doing up our booth like a French bakery, with shelves of bread, and maybe with us wearing aprons. This consideration in itself is sad, since it means that people focus on a simulacrum of the bakery experience, on the idea of what a bakery should look like, rather than on the concrete items ("bread") produced. This explains the mystery of why we see gluten-free items in bakeries: it doesn't matter that gluten-free bread tastes terrible, because the taste is secondary to the experience of buying bread in a bakery. Though I suppose another way of looking at it is that people seek out bakeries because they like making eye contact with the baker, they like being taken care of and exchanging a few words with another human being; that bakeries are an oasis in a world too dreadfully sterile to bear thinking about. So the game is about building human connections. People love the baker more than they love the bread. And that thought brings me comfort and hope.



Monday, September 28, 2015

The Biggest Gainer


Four weeks to go...chickens are molting & J has been working on his sympathy belly.

In which Adam Delved is questioned by the authorities

On my way back to Soggy Bottom, I stopped in Toronto to attend a conference that happened to be taking place, in hopes of lining up some job prospects. Uncle F and aunt B generously allowed me to stay in their house in Burlington, although they would not be home. I, being somewhat inpecunious due to an unfortunate hiccup in cash flow, as well as being Dutch cheap of a naturally thrifty disposition, accepted the offer.

I took the train from Toronto, which trundled gently along a landscape of factories and housing developments before finally depositing me at the station in Burlington. A short cab ride brought me to F&B's house. I got the key from the neighbor, dropped my bags inside, and went out to stroll to the local strip mall for some sustenance. Along the way, I took a snapshot of the picture-perfect neighborhood:


It's election season in Canada, and I saw a yard sign promoting a candidate with an extremely long name. I thought it was funny that they had to make a special, extra-long yard sign for this candidate, so I took a picture of that, too. Sorry for the poor resolution on this one. (Note: I saw only Conservative yard signs on my walk).


A half-hour later, I was walking back from dinner at the strip mall, when a policeman in a black SUV pulled up next to me and asked me to stop. He took my ID, and spoke into his radio that he had found someone "matching the description". Then some questions. Was I eating in that restaurant, over by the window? Where did I live? Where was I staying? What did I do for a living? Did I once live in Ontario? Did I have a phone? Could he see the pictures on my phone? Well, no, but yes, here you are, officer, as you can see, nothing of any concern here. In the meantime, I saw a second police SUV cruising the parking lot where we stood.

At length the officer gave me back my phone and my ID and said, "the reason I stopped you is that somebody saw you taking pictures with your phone and was concerned you were taking pictures of children in that neighborhood. And, out of an excess of caution, they notified the police."

I decided it wasn't the time to expatiate on why members of the Upright Citizens Brigade needed to call in the cops and waste everyone's time every time they see a shadow, so I just walked home. But here's the thing: this all happened more than a half hour after I took the picture. So were the police in full alert for that whole time, scouring the streets for a vagrant photographer? Or did the Upright Citizen see me sitting at the restaurant window and call in the police? And given that there were no children (or indeed, anyone) on the street, why did anyone care?

Uncle F reports that he's seen a lot more police cruisers than usual in his neighborhood - maybe it's all because of me? In any case he also told me that the
police there is famous for having nothing to do.

Anyway, I leave you with this message for the election: be afraid. Be very afraid.

- Adam Delved, vagrant photographer

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

In which Adam Delved escapes through a window, again

A while back, I may have regaled you with the tale of my daring escape from a bathroom into the Canadian winter, without shoes. That particular event had ultimately been caused by the curious geometry of our apartment, and immediately precipitated by an oven door popping open by just a few millimeters. I am now happy to report that my daring exploits continue.

The handle on our bathroom door had been slowly falling apart for a week or two, and I'd made a mental note to fix it at some point. That point had not yet arrived when I went in to take a shower one hot day. I pulled the door shut behind me. The door latched, and I found that the inside handle would not turn the tongue. I was trapped.

L was at work and would not be back for several hours. And a further problem: I had just come in from weeding the garden. I was sweaty, dirty, and I stank. And so I'd stripped off my clothes before going into the bathroom. I was stark naked.

As Bertrand Russell would say, this left me in a logical cleft stick from which there was only one recourse. A recourse I had practiced once before, in a different place and at a different season. It was out the window for me.
 
The road to freedom

It seems like most windows have some mechanism for removing a sash without tools. In this case, I found I could pivot the sash in and then lift it out at an angle. My pathway to escape was clear.

I spent some time considering whether or not I should take a towel with me. Ultimately I decided not to. I couldn't wear the towel on my way out; it would just get in the way of the maneuvers I had to do. And if I pushed out the towel so I could pick it up once I'd exited, it would just get dirty. And besides, the neighbours would still have seen a naked man climb out of a window. The neighbour's house was a hundred yards away, the door to get back in was close by, and I didn't think anyone would look out at just that instant.

It was time to turn plans into action. Get up onto the toilet. One leg over the window sash, and then - very carefully, watch out for splinters! - the other. Mild shock at summer breezes encountering parts of me which had never previously encountered summer breezes. Hop off the ledge onto the crawlspace cover. Very very fast scuttle to the back door, and back inside.

Victory was mine. I took my long-awaited shower - and then I got a screwdriver and took out that bathroom door handle!